Skip to main content

I DON’T KNOW (Episode 75)

I DON’T KNOW

PodBean Link for those who like to listen.

This morning the herring gulls are laughing and the air smells cleansed. I stand still in the moment and feel gratitude for last night’s Mary Chapin Carpenter concert and the clear starlit sky that ended the day.

 

Alt text says this week’s photo is a person smiling with a scarf around their neck. I say it is me modelling The Imperial Cowl by Kath Andrews Designs and enjoying having my photo taken.

 

Whilst wondering which poem I would like to record for ‘Poem of the Month’ for my YouTube channel I found myself thinking about what Alan Parry wrote about one of my poems about grief. In his review of Welcome to the Museum of a Life he says: “I Don’t Know explores the uncertainty of loss with a quiet, devastating honesty: “I don’t know if biting one by one / through a dozen budded tulips would help.” Finch does not attempt to impose order on grief; instead, she lets it unfold organically, offering moments of both revelation and ambiguity.” I was drawn back to this poem and decided that it was the one I wanted to set down this time.

 

This led to me leaving a note on my desk to remind myself that I had chosen which poem to record. When I saw it the next morning and it said, “Poem of the Month: I Don’t Know”, I chuckled because very often it is actually the case that I don’t know until the last minute which one I will record and sometimes I can go to bed knowing and wake up no longer remembering!

 

I do know that the regular habit of recording my work has been a good way to develop my confidence with sharing my words as well as being able to share the poems as they sound in my head. When I read them silently to myself I see and hear the words as I read as if they are transported from the page – they scroll like a script. There was a lovely moment of revelation when I reached the end of this particular reading this month as I heard myself realise my nan is always with me. There was a wonderful sparkle within me at the whole resonance of that.


I have always thought of it as a quiet, contemplative poem, and I was surprised and pleased when both Julie Stevens and Susan Richardson engaged with it shortly after the book was released. I love seeing which poems from a collection others enjoy reading.


I am also grateful to Josephine Lay of Black Eyes Publishing for working with me on the editing of this poem to get it ready for publication. This led to the altering of some of the don’ts to can’ts, and I loved feeling what that did for the poem. It was good to pay attention together to which lines would change in their power by taking on this different starting word. It definitely made a positive impact and I know I wouldn’t have seen that change if we hadn’t explored it together. I love the duality of the meaning for ‘I can’t’… where one human can’t know the exact feelings of another and also the essence of, ‘please don’t tell me, I fear it will be too painful’.


During my coaching training we thought about the power of just getting going with things when you have an idea or a goal. I have seen this come to fruition in my recording of poems, and can clearly see the journey I have taken. I am glad I didn’t wait until I was ready! I love the fact that since my change of career I have also leant into this and this has enabled me to be willing to model Kath’s knitwear – after all, there’s always a delete button and actually I don’t mind looking at myself now. I also cracked on, and started a podcast so that I could see how it evolved. It has been so good to move away from the nerves that tickled at my very edges when I started!


I get the feeling writing some more poems is going to be a priority pretty soon because I don’t want to be in the position of not having many to choose from when it comes to poem of the month! Time to open the writing journal and set a seven minute timer...


Here's to finding out which steps you want to take, taking the first one and the next. And then the next.  

I will leave you today with my recording of poem of the month: ‘I Don’t Know’.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

SOMEBODY’S MISSING (Episode 82)

 SOMEBODY’S MISSING     PodBean Link for those who like to listen  This morning the air has been sung in fresh by the dawn chorus. It carries hints of green and fuchsia.   Alt text suggests that this week’s photo is a person sitting on a lawn with flowers. I say it is a photo of my lovely dad and the flowers we chose to celebrate his life at his funeral.   This is the first new month that has started without my dad being here. I’ve learnt that I want to tell everyone what I learned from him. I’ve learned that one of the best things I can think of to do right now is carry forward the very special parts of him to the best of my ability. I’ve also learned that writing some of this down in a poem felt right, but that reading said poem when we gathered together to say goodbye to him required a large hanky and plenty of time for deep breaths.   I am so glad he came into my life when I was young and built us a family to be proud of. There’s so muc...
Post a Comment
Read more

STEPPING OUT FOR SNOOKER BY THE SEA (Episode 74)

STEPPING OUT FOR SNOOKER BY THE SEA  PodBean Link for those who like to listen...    This morning the rain brings a gentle dampness, and the air holds the scent of sap and twigs.    Alt text says this week’s photo is two women taking a selfie. I say it is me and my sister taking a selfie having learned that it is best if we both sit down. When we stand side by side for photos she looks far taller than me and the photos seem a little out of balance. She says I have shrunk. She couldn’t see me at the railway station when she arrived for her visit, and I found myself standing on tip toes and waving a big double handed wave, so perhaps I might just have to measure myself to find out if I have indeed shrunk a little!   We first met up to watch the snooker a year ago, and before this I had never watched it live. We saw Gary Wilson’s 147 break, and laughed at my sister’s impression of me telling her I was suffering from shin splint...
Post a Comment
Read more

TWO SISTERS AND A COW (Episode 80)

TWO SISTERS AND A COW   PodBean Link for those who like to listen This morning the air brings the distinct smell of cut grass. The birds have turned up their dawn chorus songs these last few days and are welcoming the mornings with a vigour that is admirable.   Alt text tells me this week’s photo is ‘two women taking a selfie in front of a cow’. I say it is my sister and I on a country walk encouraging a cow to be in our photo after we have told it how beautiful we think it is.   I have been reminded about a couple of things on recent walks:   Number one: Being dehydrated is not good for me. I often talk to the creatures I see on my walks, but when I was dehydrated recently I became judgemental and called a squirrel naughty and told a sheep it looked like a badger. My sister recounts school days where one orange squash drink and maybe a metallic sip from the water fountain were her drinks for the day. How much better we are at hydrating now. I kno...
Post a Comment
Read more