FOCUSING
This morning the air brings the smell of old carboard boxes, and I do not set off the alarm call of a blackbird.
Alt text says this week’s photo is a close up of a person’s face. It is. And it is mine, and I have enjoyed reviewing some photos this week.
I always feel in slight danger of getting the answers wrong when I visit the optician for an eye test. Remembering my left from my right and blinking to see if it’s an O or a C requires an on-the-spot focus which seems different from the focusing I do in day-to-day life. My optician is friendly and kind, but I still wonder if I am seeing the right things when I cover one eye or need to look up or down. I also have an urge to get it ‘right’, to be able to unfuzz the images, name the correct letters.
This time there was no change to my prescription. And the visit also included a wonderful shiny moment of self-recognition when I heard her go on to say, “You said you were leaving work in education last time and perhaps training to be a coach...” That was what I said and was indeed what I did. It felt good to realise that was what had been going on for me between visits, and that so much more has also happened along the way between those two sits in her chair.
Thinking out loud about things that block us in one of Claire Pedrick’s supervision groups this week also had me thinking about focusing and about being temporarily stuck. I have some great strategies for getting unstuck and tackling things that are blocking the way to my next steps or simply getting something done, and I was happy to share these. But I found that I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something particular I needed to find out about being blocked when it comes to editing a set of a poems. How could I have these strategies and still be stuck?
Two kinds of being blocked came to mind – the ‘not wanting to do a thing’ kind and the ‘joy-blocked’ kind. These are the kind of blocks I need to climb over or go round. But here they were showing themselves to both be at play at the same time making the block seem huge.
I didn’t want to edit the poems and I wasn’t finding joy when I did sit down to do it. Thinking out loud with others and then allowing myself time to continue the think enabled me to hear the real stuff going on. Firstly, I had to admit they weren’t all great poems and those that had been sent back instead of being published did need work. I needed to kick into touch the hurry up driver that wanted a set of poems to work on and had pulled them together too quickly. I also had to take on board the feedback I had asked for and respond to it. I also realised that having an overarching theme to the work was hugely important to me, and I had been pushing this aside.
Having leant into all of that I was gifted time to truly focus at a body doubling session. I took along three poems, and during the session I binned one and polished the other two. Without another person sharing time and space it would have taken me much longer to get this sorted. It wasn’t easy, and I felt the twitch of wanting to give in or to check social media to avoid the difficult, but what a wonderful feeling to have cracked the blocks and squeezed through onto the poetry path again.
Here’s to the kind of focus that comes when you stay with something even though it’s hard. And to the joy of being inspired to write fresh poems.
The poem I am sharing here this week was penned in a workshop with Clare Shaw and Miriam Darlington and I was very glad of the space to write it. I am delighted to find that sections from it are now featured in a bottle of pills from The Poetry Pharmacy, and I even got my light box out to capture a photograph because it feels that special.
BROCK
In the dark of night
the silvered wisdom of a badger’s soul
lifts from its body,
rises above that final puff of breath,
leaves behind white bristles and black fur.
On the cusp of day
in the silence between dust and sparkle
the echoes are beginning.
Be steady along familiar routes,
mark out your path.
Be the shy, tenacious forager,
know the quiet of nature.
Comments
Post a Comment