'Less Silence'

Singing as the Darkness Lifts 26/02/2024 

Podbean Link for those who like to listen

This morning the moon is bold and bright in the sky and the air smells of daffodil bulbs. The daffodils in the front garden are not as dynamic as they were last year, but are a welcome sign of spring. I am not sure how the smell of their bulbs seems to be in the air, but there is a definite tinge there which reminds me of my summer job from years ago when I spent the days harvesting daffodil bulbs, riding up and down the fields sorting them as they appeared in front of me on the conveyer belt.

The Orme is one of my favourite places and walking round it with my sister last week was a treat. The morning was opening up in front of us as we walked and the weather was good which framed the moment nicely for us. The last time I walked round it (which was my first time!) I did it on my own just because I wanted to see what it was like. So it was good to do it while chatting and lovely to have this photograph as a reminder. ALT TEXT says this is a photo of “a person standing on a road next to a body of water”. It is also me leaning on a wall whilst taking a breather on a sisters walk round The Orme in Llandudno. I am smiling and the pier is visible in the background.

One of my goals is to walk more and use this as a way of freeing space in my head as well as working on my general physical fitness. I do like doing things more than once to prove to myself they are not a fluke. So having walked round The Orme twice I reckon I can add it to my list of things Sue’s do. I might go the other way round next time just to mix it up a bit and I need to wear my walking boots as my shoes are a bit thin on the bottom! Let’s say it felt really nice to slip on my slippers when I got home. I love coasts and being on the edge of things and we marvelled at the expanse of sea and the clean air. I don’t think I will ever tire of this.

My essay came back and I felt my heart do a little happy skip when I saw that this time I had passed. Working on the referrals the last time I got it back was quite some task for me – I was definitely out of the rhythm of academic writing! Definitely grateful to the people in my coaching cohort for the words of wisdom and encouragement and for just letting me post my ‘aaargh’ in the group chat simply to set it down. Two more essays to do, but I think I am much better prepared for these two.

I tuned in eagerly to Eat the Storms on Saturday at five o’clock and made sure that our treats were homemade because it was my turn to be a special guest on the show! Kath’s sour dough chocolate cookies were just the right kind of accompaniment as we listened in with large mugs of tea. I knew which poems I was going to read and had selected one from each of the five galleries of my forthcoming second collection ‘Welcome to The Museum of a Life’. What I couldn’t quite remember was exactly what Damien and I had spoken about during the interview. I remembered we had laughed a lot and I had been delighted that he spoke highly of my poems and my YouTube videos, but I wondered how much sense I was going to make in the other bits. One thing I have discovered about me since I finished work is I really like talking! And talking to Damien was an absolute treat. Do you remember me having to have a good think about my need for recognition in Autumn 2023 when I started my career change? There were wise words on the coaching course about holding things lightly and leaning into the thoughts and feelings to see what these were telling us. This helped me to begin to look at this with curiosity rather than thinking of it of a weakness that needed to be fixed. I love that and I am excited to think that people I coach will be able to enjoy learning about themselves as much I have been. I think there will be fewer poems about silence in my future, and I am definitely going to stop labelling myself as lacking in confidence. 

There was good time for talk when catching up with friends in the week, and I loved that and the listening in to their stories and our shared laughter. I am grateful for the coffee and the sparkling water and the time to share the human sparkle.

Oh and in case you are wondering I enjoyed listening to the interview and I hope if you listened in you did too.

Here's ‘When I Am Gone’ which seems to resonate with the three questions in Dr Emma Kell’s TedTalk which I listened to this week and with being at the coast. It is the final poem in my forthcoming second collection and makes  a nice companion to ‘Descendant’ which was the first poem in my first collection. My thanks to Dear Reader for giving this poem its original home and to google for teaching me that almonds are fruits. And to my sister who alerted me to the many different ways there are of saying the name of that said fruit.

When I Am Gone

 

serve soul cakes.

 

Sprinkle dried green lettuce

on salty crackers

plate up purple and orange macaroons

yellow too if it pleases you.

 

Spear black olives onto cocktail sticks

put out far too many bottles of red wine.

 

Spend an hour of your morning cracking

almonds into small bowls

sweep up the debris with your hands.

Let each fruit be a memory

but watch out for the bitter ones.

 

Everything must fit mouths

that are not hinged to be wide

that potential to be slipped in

nonchalantly between tales

that bring out hard laughter.

 

Except apples.

They will let you watch for:

who bites right in

who takes a knife to them

who puts two in their bag for later.

 

At the end

if a soul cake remains on that table

take it to the coast.

 

Await the interest of gulls

then toss it decidedly upwards.

 

Let the cries fill the air.

 

Here’s to singing as the darkness lifts and to those who make the world sparkle when they spend time with us.